Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
