Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
