if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
