apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
