I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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