i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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