did you get engaged???
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
