Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
