They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
