Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
