I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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