So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize