i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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