I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
