do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
