he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
