Don't you send me to vm
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
