Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
