The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
