Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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