do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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