This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
