she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
