My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
