did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
