Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
