i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
