: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
