Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
