my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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