I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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