Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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