Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
