I accidentally had phone sex last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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