Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
