if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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