I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
