I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
