it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My ass is underappreciated
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
