you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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