Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
