Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We don't watch enough power rangers
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
