just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
