I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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