If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i think i just lost a toe
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
