I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
