he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
