This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
