I think I won the penis lottery.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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