we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm having to shit out rocks
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