I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
