When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
