i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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