I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
