My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
