You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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