its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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