About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
