Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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