Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
