pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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