Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
