why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
