Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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