Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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