You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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