There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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