Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
