You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
