Pregnant stripper...not hot.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
