How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
