if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize