Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
