if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
