Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
