Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
